Still Alive But I'm Barely Breathing AU FIC
by JonasFF
Summary: Nick Jonas' life takes a bad turn when a past even causes his family to break apart and turn against him. His feelings of being scared and alone continue at school as well as home but when he meets the new girl he hopes she wont find out his secret
1. Chapter 1

I'm Still Alive but I'm Barely Breathing (A Nick Jonas Story)

Nick's P.O.V

"Hey look everyone it's the loser Jonas!" A jock screams out to everyone as they start to laugh

"Great I just walked into the doors of my school and the abuse starts!" I think to myself

"Why do you even bother coming to school, its not like anyone wants you here." the captain of the football team says with a chuckle

I'm Nick and if you haven't already noticed I'm not the most popular guy at school. In fact I have no friends, no one talks to me , and I get picked on everyday! I don't understand why. I have never done anything bad to anyone. No one ever gave me a chance at this school probably because the difference between my brothers and I. Joe and Kevin also came to lake ford high school , but when they were here they were the star athletes. Joe was captain of the baseball team and the football team. Kevin was captain of the track and field team and he also played soccer. They were the kings of high school! Then there is me, the "loser Jonas" as I am called. I am not on any teams, I don't play any sports and I'm not liked by anyone.

I dash to my locker quickly before all the taunting gets to me. I usually try to block it out and I'm getting good at it but I don't know how much more of it I can take. I put in my locker combination and get my books close my locker and try to get to class. Just as I close my locker I get greeted by my "friend" who kindly knocks my books out of my hand.

"Listen loser I don't know who said you can even be in my hallway but you better watch it! Jonas!" says Taylor who is on the track team.

I quickly grab my books off the floor and run to the only place I can feel safe….the music room. No one really goes into the music room because the music program was cut last year but the room was never used for anything else. I hid in there trying not to think of who I am at school and what I have to go through otherwise I'm gunna start to cry. Yes I understand I am a 17 year old guy and crying is pathetic but a human can only handle so much hurt before they crack and I am way past my breaking point. To keep my mind off of things I grab my notepad and finish that song I have been writing. I finally finish it as the bell rings, then I head to class.

The rest of the day was pretty normal I went to my classes, got picked on, sat alone for lunch and once again worked by myself for lab since there was an uneven amount of kids in the class and someone had to be alone, such a shock that I had to be alone right?

The day was over and I walked home. I open the door quietly trying not to bring attention to the fact that I am home. I walk up to my room to get started on my homework when I bump into Joe.

"Whoa! Watch! Where! Your! Going! Jonas!… actually your not even a Jonas….just watch it and say out of my way!" Joe says as he punches me in the stomach causing me to fall. ( doesn't this sound familiar)

Yeah that's right the abuse continues at home. I'm treated this way at home for the same reason I'm treated this way at school and something else. Where are my parents you may ask? My mother died in a car accident then 5 months later my father died from depression. Kevin and Joe mostly abuse me because they blame me for my parents death. My mom was going to pick me up from my guitar lessons I took when I was younger but I left my guitar back at the place so my mother dropped me home and went back for it and that was the last time I saw her. I miss her so much! Joe and Kevin got me to believe that it really was my fault, maybe if I would have just remembered my guitar my mother would still be here and so would my dad.

I shake the thought from my head as I try to get up, and go in my room before Kevin comes out and he punches even harder than Joe does. I really don't talk to anyone. The rule in the house is don't speak unless I am expected to speak. Since I cant speak at home I guess I made it a habit and I just don't speak at school either. When I am tormented at school I just keep quiet and try to hold myself together.

The rest of my night is the same as usual. I did my homework, I ate dinner in silence according to Kevin I'm lucky if they feed me at all after what I did to this family ( killed my parents). Then I go to sleep I usually bottle up everything until night time when I know I am alone. As pathetic as it is I cry myself to sleep every night just thinking about my life and what it has came to.

My alarm goes off at 6am and I quickly hit the snooze button but it was too late I hear a door slam and I woke up someone. Boy am I gunna get it. My eyes bolt to the door as it swings open and there stand Kevin who is fuming with anger.

"What the hell is your problem!" he screams

I know I am expected to answer so I do otherwise ill just make it worse.

"I-I . m-my alarm, I n-need it to w-wake up f-for school" I stutter

"Oh I'm sorry little Nicky has to w-wake up f-for school". he says mocking the terror I have in my voice.

Kevin comes over to me and grabs my alarm clock and smashes it on the floor. He grabs my shoulders and says " If I get waken up this early again your clock is going to be the only thing broken". Kevin then throws me against the wall as hard as he could.

"Now get ready for school or you will be late." he says as he leaves my room slamming the door on the way out.

What a great way to start the morning.


	2. Chapter 2

I'm Still Alive but I'm Barely Breathing (A Nick Jonas Story)

(recap)

Kevin then throws me against the wall as hard as he could.

"Now get ready for school or you will be late." he says as he leaves my room slamming the door on the way out.

What a great way to start the morning.

Nick's P.O.V

I try to pick up my sore body from the floor and not just sore from what Kevin did but from this weeks beatings. I go to the bathroom and take my shirt off. I have bruises everywhere but my back and my chest has the most. Joe and Kevin wont dare bruise my face because they don't want people to find out. They also try to aim for the upper part of my arms so cuts or bruises don't show when I wear short sleeves and I do that a lot since we live in California. I do the normal morning routine being extra careful this morning because of my condition.

"you didn't leave yet! God just leave already I'm sick of looking at you!" Joe says peeking into the bathroom.

I quickly but carefully pass Joe hoping he wont give me any surprises before I leave. I get out the door as safe as I'm gunna be for today. At least the school abuse isn't physical even though its not much better. I get to school and rush in the doors before anyone could torment me. I go to my locker and get my books but then of course as I close my locker and start to walk here comes Taylor who pushes me up hard against the lockers.

" wow Jonas you better learn how to walk" he says as everyone else starts to laugh. Then I do the thing I always do, I run to the music room. Its quiet in here so before I start to think which could lead to me breaking down which I refuse to do in school, ill just sing the song I finished yesterday. I grab a guitar that was In the room and I start to play.

I want someone to love me  
>for who I am<br>I want someone to need me  
>Is that so bad?<br>I want someone to love me  
>For who I am<br>Nothing makes sense, nothing makes sense anymore  
>Nothing is right, nothing is right when you're gone<br>I'm losing my breath, I'm losing my right to be wrong  
>I'm frightened to death, I'm frightened that I won't be strong<br>I want someone to love me  
>For who I am<br>I want someone to need me  
>Is that so bad?<br>I wanna break all the madness  
>but it's all I have<br>I want someone to love me  
>For who I am<br>I'm shaking it off, I'm shaking off all of the pain.  
>Breaking my heart, breaking my heart once again<br>I want someone to love me  
>for who I am<br>I want someone to need me  
>Is that so bad?<br>I wanna break all the madness  
>But it's all I have<br>I want someone to love me  
>For who I am<br>I want someone to love me  
>For who I am<br>I want someone to love me  
>For who I am<br>I want someone to need me  
>Is that so bad?<br>I wanna break all the madness  
>But it's all I have<br>I want someone to love me  
>For who I am<br>yeah , who I am

I finished playing and then I hear a noise at the door. I turn around and I see someone standing there…I see a girl standing there. I just stare at her, scared that she might have heard me.

"I-I'm sorry I didn't mean to eavesdrop. I was just looking for the principals office" she says sounding nervous.

I didn't answer right away because I was just shocked that someone and especially a girl would actually talk to me.

"Are you ok?" she says moving closer to me. I stepped back a bit and realized that she was indeed talking to me.

"y-yes I am fine" my voice cracked a little since I don't talk very often.

"Ok good" she giggled " Hi I am Romola I'm new here" she says extending her hand.

"Um I'm….." my voice trailed off. Did I just forget my name! wow I have never been so nervous in my life. Someone at school is actually talking to me and not only that it is a girl who is very beautiful might I add.

" My name is nick" I continue and shake her hand.

"It's nice to meet you nick, do you think you have time to show me where the principals office is? I am supposed to get my schedule" she says smiling at me.

I was about to say sure but then I realize if I go to walk her to the principals office people are gunna start to make fun of me in front of her then probably make fun of her for even talking to me. She is new, she doesn't know I am teased by everyone and I wouldn't want to put her through that she seems nice.

"No sorry I cant" I say then turn around to grab my book bag.

Her smile turned into a frown as she got confused as to why I said no to her. Right then in comes Taylor who notices Romola.

"HELLOO hottie!" Taylor says walking up to Romola " I'm Taylor captain of the track team and also the welcoming committee. My job is to make sure pretty little things like you feel right at home" he says with a smirk. I just stand there with my back still turned to them so Taylor wouldn't notice me

"Um can you tell me where the office is." Romola says. Figures she forgot all about me and goes off with Taylor. Well the bell rings and I collect my things. I have lab first today so ill be by myself as usual.

Romola's P.O.V

I hurry to the office trying to loose Taylor. Ugh he seems like a jerk! I get my schedule and see I have lab first. Taylor offers to walk me there but I rather get lost then walk with him so I declined. I find the classroom and walk in and walk up to the teacher. She introduces me to the class and that was pretty embarrassing!.

Nick's P.O.V

I am sitting at my lab table which is at the front of the class and I see her. Romola walks into my lab class and goes up to Mrs. Foreman.

" Ok class we have a new student joining us her name is Romola, everyone do your best to make her feel welcome." she finishes as she looks around the room then at me.

"Romola you will be working with Nick. Nick raise your hand" Mrs. Forman says.

I raise my hand and behind me I could here people saying that they feel bad for her that she has to work with me. I couldn't say I didn't expect their reactions. Romola sits down next to me as the teacher is giving us an assignment to work on with our partners.

"Well hello again" Romola says to me

"Hey" I say back but I'm not looking at her. If I do I know ill get nervous again and look like an idiot.

"look I'm sorry" she says

I look up at her confused

"S-sorry for w-what?" I stutter. Man I knew I should have just kept my head down

" For barging in on you this morning in the music room I didn't mean to its just I heard someone singing and I couldn't help but follow the voice." she says

"Oh you heard me?" I start to panic a little

"Yes I did. You have an amazing voice". she says now smiling

" I do?". I say surprised

I have never been told I have any talents before. Wow everything that is happening is all new to me . I mean she is complementing me and being nice to me, I just cant believe it. I have to be dreaming.

"Yeah you really do" she says with that same warm smile that I am not used to but I'm starting to like it.

The bell rings and I find out that I have all of my classes with Romola. I only sit near her in lab though but I think its for the best. I don't wanna start getting used to her talking to me and I don't want to get used to looking at her warm smile or her soft dark brown eyes. Lunch time rolls around and as usual I sit by myself. But then I see Romola coming towards me.

"hey mind if I sit with you" she says standing in front of me.

"Umm no I don't mind but I don't think you want to sit here" I say looking down

"of course I want to!" she says and then sits down.

"ok Romola listen I'm not the guy you want to be hanging around" I say trying to warn her.

" Why not? You seem nice" she says

"It's not that its just I am not well liked at this school" I say getting embarrassed I have to tell her this

" Yeah I know I heard everyone when I sat next to you at lab" she says

" So I make my point" I say defeated.

" Nick I don't care about how many people like you in school, I like you and you look like you need a friend …..so do I" she says with that warm smile I have already grown to love.

" Yeah but….w-wait did you just say you like me?" I say surprised

" well its hard not to! I mean your nice and you aren't some conceded jerk like the jocks as this school and your easy to talk to plus I think your cute when your nervous" Romola says looking down at the last part of what she said. Then the thing I was afraid of happened Taylor and a couple of other guys notice Romola sitting with me.

"Hey baby Aww I think you're a little confused you don't wanna be seen here with Jonas" Taylor says not even acknowledging I'm here but he never does so why is this shocking. "Since your not doing anything important why don't you come with me" Taylor says winking at Romola. It is making me really mad but I wouldn't dare say anything

" Yeah actually I am doing something important. I'm talking to my friend here so if you don't mind leave me alone, don't call me baby and I rather be seen with nick than you any day!" Romola says to Taylor

"wow you little b****" is all I heard Taylor say before I snapped. I punched Taylor as hard as I could and he was caught off guard so he fell to the floor.


	3. Chapter 3

I'm Still Alive but I'm Barely Breathing (A Nick Jonas Story)

(recap)

"wow you little b****" is all I heard Taylor say before I snapped. I punched Taylor as hard as I could and he was caught off guard so he fell to the floor.

Romola's P.O.V

Taylor was being rude to me and mean to Nick so I told him off but then I'm guessing I shouldn't have because once he called me a b**** Nick snapped and punched Taylor! I was so shocked and nick looked that way too so he stood there frozen. I grabbed Nick's hand and ran out of the cafeteria before Taylor could get up. Nick and I keep running and we find a closet that was open so we both go in and lock it.

"Nick are you crazy?' I say panting from running so fast

" I don't know what came over me" nick said in-between breaths.

"Ha first day as friends and we are already getting into trouble" I say laughing. Nick stays silent. " nick?" I say to him stretching out my arms to find where he is since the closet is pitch black. I soon find him by touching his curls. He grabs my hand and I could tell he's looking me in the eyes. ( ha no pun intended)

" Romola I really don't think we should be friends" he says to me and I know he means well but this kind of hurt.

" Nick why? Because how people treat you ? That's an even better reason for us to be friends" I say hoping he would realize its true.

"I'm just saying there is a lot you don't know about me and I'm afraid if you find out your not going to want to be friends and I don't think I can handle losing the only friend I would have" he says and I think he is exaggerating " I think you should go Taylor wont do anything to you " he continues.

"What about you? I'm not leaving you here" I say

" Don't worry I'm used to all of this" he says

"Alright I have a plan, we wait till the bell rings then when everyone is in class we ditch"I say

"Ditch? No no I don't ditch classes". says nick who is freaking out .

" I don't either but hey there is a first time for everything" I say that then hear the first bell ring.

I open the door and lean to look outside then the 2nd bell rings and the hallway is clear. I turn to nick who I can now see from the light peeking through the door.

" ok get ready to run….now" I say and grab his hand. We run until we are a block away from the school then we stop.

" I cant believe I just did that!" nick says out of breath

" I cant believe I did that either but it was that or get the crap beaten out of you" I say to nick

Nick's P.O.V

" I cant believe I did that either but it was that or get the crap beaten out of you" Romola says to me. To myself I'm thinking why does it matter that's what happens to me at home.

"yeah I don't want that" I say

" so should we go to your house or mine?" she says and I automatically snap and remember Joe and Kevin are home. If they find out I ditched I'm dead!

"Yours! We should go to yours" I say laughing nervously

" Okay lets go" she says and she leads the way to her house

"wait no one is home right because I don't wanna get caught" I say

" nope parents are at work and my sisters are at school" she says taking out the key from her pocket and opening her front door.

"wow you have a nice house" I say and follow her to the kitchen

"thanks you want something to drink?" she asks opening her fridge

" sure" I say as she hands me a diet coke

"so are your parents home?" Romola says and I start to feel my eyes getting watery but I hold it in the best I can. I mean I just met her should I lie and say that they are at work or just tell her? It couldn't hurt to tell her. I've been keeping everything bottled up it might be nice to have someone to talk to for a change.

"umm no my parents aren't home" I said to her. I really wasn't lying but I just think its too soon for anything.

"what about any siblings?" she asks

" umm yeah my brothers are home" I say to her

" I see why you wanted you wanted to come to my house" she says then gets up and goes into the living room. I follow soon behind her.

2 hours pass and school should be about over by now. Romola and I talked and we have a lot in common. Its weird I'm running out of reasons why we shouldn't be friends, but then I remember 2 reasons….Joe and Kevin. They are never going to let me see her outside of school. They probably would forbid me to see her period. They cant know about her but the only thing is how am I gunna keep her a secret? They never let me hang out with anyone so the only time I would be able to see her would be at school.

" well I think I should get going" I say looking at the clock in her house

"already? You don't wanna wait a till my mom comes home so she could meet you?" she says

" you want me to meet your mom?" I say surprised.  
>This has been my main feeling this whole day, shock and surprise.<p>

"Yeah she would want to meet you" she says and with that the door knob turns and Romola's mother walks in.

"Hey mom I want you to meet someone" Romola says as her mom comes into the house and notices I'm there

"Hi Mrs. Alverez. I'm nick " I say to her mother

" Why hello Nick it's a pleasure to meet you" Romola's mother says to me.

"well I have to get going, but it was nice meeting you to." I say as I grab my book bag

"Would you like me to take you home?" Romola's mother asks me.

"no no I am fine its not too far from here I can walk". I say.

" I'll walk you out" Romola says grabbing my hand.

"Thanks ,well I will see you tomorrow" I say

"So does this mean you give up on the whole you shouldn't hang out with me thing?" Romola says

"Um yeah I guess I did" I said and I smiled at her. I haven't smiled in the longest time, I cant believe I even remember how to.

"see you tomorrow" Romola said she gave me a hug. Wow this is defiantly going to take some getting used to.

I walk home and its about 2:30 Ahh crap, I'm late! When I get home I'm gunna be in so much trouble! I run the rest of the way home which is a block, I really do live close to Romola. I get in the house and try to be really quiet but of course that never works because there I see both Kevin and Joe standing right in front of me and man they do not look happy!

"Where the f*** were you!" Kevin screams. And this is one of the times I know I have to answer.

"I-I got held up a-at school" is all I said before everything went black.


	4. Chapter 4

I'm Still Alive but I'm Barely Breathing (A Nick Jonas Story)

(recap)

"Where the f*** were you!" Kevin screams. And this is one of the times I know I have to answer.

"I-I got held up a-at school" is all I said before everything went black.

Nick's P.O.V

I wake up in my room on my bed. I guess I blacked out, but all I remember is coming home from Romola's house. I try to get up but I feel a surge of pain from my head and I fall backwards onto my bed. Everything hurts so much! I cant even breath right now without it hurting. I try to get up by holding onto my nightstand. I am finally standing up and I slowly make my way to the bathroom. My gosh what did they do to me it hurts  
>when I walk, when I breath, when I move! I look in the mirror and I cant believe it! I have a black eye! What the hell am I supposed to do! I mean no one will care at school but I know Romola is going to ask me about it. What am I supposed to tell her? I look at the clock and I have an hour till school starts . Man I was out cold the whole night! I better hurry up and get out of here. I quickly get ready and run out the door before Kevin or Joe wake up. I arrive at school and the hallways are empty because of it being early, so I take advantage of this alone time, get my books and head to the music room.<p>

~30 mins later~

Romola's P.O.V

Well my mom had to go to work early and she insists on driving me so I'm in school early. I guess I will go in the music room, nick probably will be there later. I walk into the music room and I see Nick already in there with a guitar.

"Guess who?" I say while putting my hands over his eyes.

"OW!" Nick flinched.

Nick's P.O.V

"Guess who?" Romola said putting her hands over my eyes

"OW!" I shout in pain. The slightest touch on my eye hurt so much!

"What did I do?" Romola said quickly removing her hands

I really don't want to turn around but I have to. I turn around and Romola's eyes go wide.

"omgosh! What happened to you?" Romola says examining my eye. There was no way I was telling her what really happened.

" Oh umm I…I was playing baseball with my brothers and the ball hit me in the face….ha-ha see that's why I don't play sports!" I say. That was pretty good especially since I just thought it up.

"Oh wow your brothers must be really good at baseball because your eye looks really bad!". Romola says. In a way I could tell she didn't buy my lie but she seemed to be playing along.

"ha yeah they are extremely good!" I lie well not really lying, they are good at sports.

Romola's P.O.V

"Nick are you sure that is what happened?" I ask because the way he told me what happened was just a little to weird." Why would I lie to you about it?" nick says getting a little defensive

"I didn't say you would it just the black eye seems like its been from something else. It doesn't look like a baseball could do as much damage as you have." I say

"well apparently it could so lets just drop it!". Nick is yelling by this point. I am just staring at nick in shock from the tone of his voice and he must have noticed because he softens it.

"Sorry I didn't mean to yell at you, I'm just tired and really sore from yesterday…the sports I'm sore from the sports". Nick says the last part quickly as if I'm thinking he would be sore from something else. I honestly don't believe what Nick told me. I think something else is going on with him but I don't know what exactly.

" Its okay I'm making too big of a deal out of it. Just making sure Taylor didn't get to you". I say so he doesn't catch on that I'm on to his lie.

" Hey you wanna eat lunch in here so we don't have to run into anyone today?" nick said changing the subject.

" Yeah okay that sounds great" I say

Nick's P.O.V

The day is like any other and just how I expected. No one cared about my eye, they paid no mind to me and in this case I really didn't mind. Now its lunch time and I see Romola in the music room and Taylor is there with her. I don't go in but I listen to what they are saying.

" c'mon baby you really cant say you rather hang out with Jonas then me!" Taylor says to Romola and he is getting a little to close to her and I'm not liking it!

"Don't you have someone better to talk to like those slutty cheerleaders?" Romola says back to him.

"Ha-ha I think I can change your mind about me" Taylor says and grabs Romola's waist and pulls her close to him.

"what the hell are you doing?" she says then Taylor kisses Romola! Who the hell does he think he is ! I get so mad I run in the room and grab Taylor and I throw him on the ground.

" you shouldn't have done that Jonas!" Taylor says and he gets up and we start to fight. That kiss kept replaying in my mind and it only mad me more angry so I beat the crap out of Taylor. By the time I was finished with him he had a bloody nose and swollen lip, also when I pushed him a second time he fell back on a desk and I'm pretty sure he needs stitches. Oh yeah I also got suspended! Once my brothers find out I'm probably going to end up like Taylor maybe worse! Well I just got out of the principals office and Taylor went home early. I see Romola sitting outside the office.

"Nick what happened in there! I never saw you like that!" she says

" I don't know I saw him kiss you and something just went off" I say.

" How long are you gunna be suspended for?" Romola asks

" two days." I respond

"oh that not too bad" she says, but she doesn't know what happens to me at home so two days is actually really really bad!

Well the school day is over and I'm home for two days I walk in the door scared because I know the school called my house.

" Nick?" I hear Kevin yell from downstairs

"yeah?" I say

" Can you come down here" Joe says. This seems weird and I'm not sure if I should go downstairs but I don't really have a choice. I go downstairs and I see Kevin and Joe.

"Sit" Kevin orders me, and I know better than to not listen to Kevin so I do it .

" The school called" Joe says. I knew it! They know, I am dead!

" Why did you beat up Taylor?" Kevin asks and strangly he is being calm.

" He was just bugging me like always, I didn't want to deal with it anymore." I respond

"OH don't give me that bullshit! Hes been picking on you since you started high school! Don't F***en lie!"  
>Joe screams. Their going to find out about Romola because they know when im lying, but if I tell them they are not gunna allow me to see her.<p>

"Calm down Joe we will make him tell us the truth". Kevin says and this doesn't sound good. Before I could even think about what they might do to me Joe threw me on the floor then Kevin grabs the vase off the table that we have in the basement, that was our mothers vase I still remember the day that Kevin gave it to her.

~FLASHBACK~ (mothers day, Nick is 6 joe is 9 Kevin is11)

" Mommy! Mommy! We got your present!" Joe shouts as he runs into the house. Kevin hands her a box wrapped in floral paper. She unwraps it and it's a white vase with pink roses on it.

"Oh boys thank you! I love it" my mother says as she gives each of us a kiss on the cheek. Kevin is the one who bought her the vase, he saved his allowance for 2 months just to buy it for her. Joe hands her a card that he bought with his allowance. Since I was only 6 I didn't get weekly money so I picked some yellow flowers outside for her vase.

"Here mommy, I picked some flowers for you" I said handing my mom her favorite color flowers.

"Aww thank you Nicky! My favorite color!" she said hugging me.

~ End of flashback~

"Kevin what are you doing?" I scream

" Who the F**k said you could talk!" Kevin screams back.


	5. Chapter 5

I'm Still Alive but I'm Barely Breathing (A Nick Jonas  
>Story)<p>

(recap)

"Kevin what are you doing?" I scream

" Who the F**k said you could talk!" Kevin screams back.

Nick's P.O.V

Damn I'm not supposed to talk! But I had to say something, he looks like he's going to break the vase. He cant he knows we gave that to mom, its one of the only things we have of hers. Kevin takes the vase and he throws it at me. There is no use trying to catch it because it smashes against my head. It breaks into little pieces and a stream of blood drips down my face. As if this isn't bad enough to make them stop Joe comes and punches me in my stomach and chest several times. By this time I really cant breathe. The pain is too bad.

"Clean this up!" Kevin says and walks upstairs with Joe. It takes me awhile to get up but I do then I go to the bathroom because I remember the blood dripping down my face. I look in the mirror and I see a big cut on my forehead. The cut isn't that deep but it is big and noticeable! So much for not bruising my face! After I clean myself up, I clean the basement. I try to go unnoticed for the rest of the night, I didn't even come upstairs for dinner. When it gets close to midnight I go upstairs to my room quietly and close and lock the door. I get ready for bed and just think about everything the only thing that is keeping me from crying is me thinking about what I'm gunna tell Romola. She didn't buy the first excuse so now I'm not sure what to do.

~ The next day~

I wake up early again to avoid Joe and Kevin, but then I realize I don't have anywhere to go. Today is going to be bad and painful, I can already tell. I lay back down on my bed then my phone vibrates. I look at my phone and see it's a text from Romola.

(text conversation)

Romola: Good morning! J Are you awake yet?

Nick: Morning, and yeah I'm up.

Romola: Good come outside

Nick: outside? Why?

Romola: just do it :P

(end of text conversation, Nick's P.O.V)

Why would she want me to go outside? Wait what if she is outside. Oh no she cant be anywhere near this house! I go outside and I see Romola standing on the side walk. I walk up to her.

"hey!" she says hugging me

" Um hi. What are you doing here?" I said getting out of the hug

" Oh I was walking and I ….. Nick what happened to you?" Romola almost screams.

"Shh! What are you talking about? And you have to go now!" I say . I hope no one heard her. Then I remember the scar on my head.

" no I got at least 40 minutes before I have to be in school" she says not taking her eyes off the scar on my forehead. I look back at my house and I see a light turn on in Joes room and I start to panic.

" ok Romola you really have to go now" I say and she looks at me with a strange look. A look that says what the hell is wrong with you, your acting really weird.

" not until you tell me what happened to you" she says lightly brushing her fingers against the scar on my head. Her touch made me winch a little in pain, I mean it was a new scar the slightest touch hurts.

"ok I will tell you but not now umm after school ill go to your house" I say realizing how stupid that was because there is no way I'm gunna be able to get out of the house.

" alright see you later" she says as she starts to walk while she keeps looking back at me.

I hurry back to the door but I can hear joe in the kitchen. Damn I'm screwed, but I then notice the paper in front of the door, that should be a good excuse. I open the door holding the newspaper.

" what the hell were you doing outside" joe snaps at me

" um I got the newspaper" I say quietly

"ha well hope you have fun today, I got to go to work so you'll be with Kevin . Oh and he didn't seem to happy when he went to sleep so you know what that means". joe says to me as he walks out of the kitchen laughing. I really don't understand why they enjoy doing this to me. I mean this whole thing has gotten way past revenge. Now it seems they do all this stuff to me for their own sick enjoyment.

Well the only thing to do now is just to sit here and wait. Wait for Kevin to get up. Wait for me to deal with things that I don't deserve and that no one should go through. Like for instance when Kevin goes to sleep pissed that mean he isn't the brother with more patience than Joe. Usually Joe is the one with the really bad temper and Kevin is the one with the harder hits but now Kevin is gunna turn into joe and himself combined.

About an hour after Joe left for work Kevin comes in my room. I just sit up and look at him waiting for him to speak or whatever he is going to do to me today.

"ok listen I'm going to give you one last chance to tell me why you really beat up Taylor, and this time it better be the truth" Kevin says to me. I really don't know what I am going to say I mean I cant tell the truth but he always knows when I am lying

" I saw him bothering this girl and I was afraid that he was going to go to far" I said. I mean I was telling the truth without really giving it away.

" why the hell would you care ! No one likes you anyway! So why on earth would you try to help some slut!" Kevin shouts.

"Don't call her that! You don't know her! I'm not some heartless person like you that would watch someone get hurt and do nothing about it!" I yell at Kevin. Oh crap am I stupid! Did I just yell at him? I am dead and I can tell because he looks so mad like he is going to kill me!

"what did you just say?" says Kevin

"I didn't mean that, I didn't mean it, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry!" I plea

"you are so F*CKED!" Kevin yells and he gets up and grabs my shoulders and throws me on the ground.

"Don't you ever talk to me like that" Kevin yells then he goes to my closet and take out a bat. My eyes go wide as I try to break for the door but Kevin is way to fast and he blocks the only exit. I start to slowly step away from him and I fall on the bed I see Kevin raise the bat then I close my eyes. Kevin hits me several times. I just lay there trapped inside this twisted life that I apparently brought upon myself. I did not even notice that Kevin had stopped and left my room. The pain is so excruciating that I cant get up or move. My arms and chest is throbbing. I cant even open my eyes or I'm too afraid to. I wish I would have blacked out so I don't have to feel anything right now or better yet I wish he would have killed me. I'm sure eventually it will happen but I just wish that day would come much sooner.

~ The next Day ~

(Joe's P.O.V)

I haven't seen Little Nicky all day yesterday, ha I heard Kevin really let him have it. Good he deserved that, he knows better than to get suspended from school! I don't care what the other kids do to him, he knows he just has to deal with it. Well today is my day with Nicky and I have a few ideas. I walk into his room and I see him laying there on his bed. Wow Kevin really did let him have it. I kind of almost sort of feel bad for him. Wait no I don't he deserved this! But I mean he looks so weak and helpless. I-I don't think I'm going to do anything to him today. Well not because I feel bad or anything its just I don't want him having to be taken to the hospital or anything because they will get suspicious and start questioning and I cant have that. Maybe I should talk to Kevin when he gets home from work about this. I don't think he should have hurt him this bad, no way I cant do that then Kevin might think I'm getting soft on him which I am not! Whatever let me just get out of here I don't want to look at him anymore

~ a few hours later~

(Nick's P.O.V)

Oh my gosh I haven't slept all night I was in too much pain. I think I fell asleep after several hours of trying. I open my eyes and I try to get up. Ugh that's not gunna happen, at least my eyes are open this time. Oh crap I forgot I was supposed to go to Romola's house yesterday. I just hope she doesn't decide to come over here again. I have no idea what I'm going to tell her in school tomorrow. Ugh I forgot I have school tomorrow. I'm not sure I have the strength for that but I rather go to school then be stuck here again! I look at the clock and I see its 5:30. Wow why hasn't Joe come up to my room and do anything. I know Kevin is not home today and its Joe's day with me. Usually he would have been up here a long time ago. Is something happening right now in my benefit? Have my prayers been answered that I get a break? Because if anything else happened I'm not sure I would have made it. I am so worn down and my body is bruised and hurting I just wish I could walk out of my body so I cant feel any pain. Well I guess that is what happens when you die. Sometimes I really do wish I was dead. Kevin and Joe will be happier and I will be happier. I really never thought it would come to this. I never imagined me being alone without anyone who cares about me. I mean I don't care about the kids at school not liking me but the only people that really hurt me are the ones that matter the most.


	6. Chapter 6

I'm Still Alive but I'm Barely Breathing (A Nick Jonas Story)

(Nick's P.O.V)

I woke up today and remembered I have school. I look at the clock, it reads 6:23 am. I also remembered I have been in bed since the whole Kevin thing happened. I don't feel as much pain as I use to feel and wow I can actually get up! A little slower than usual with soreness defiantly but at least I can move! I get ready and its now 6:50 so I decided to leave. Strange the house seems more quiet than usual but instead of wondering ill just count my blessings and leave.

I get to school and do my normal things but only I don't really seem to be getting bothered by anyone today. Hmm maybe because of what happened with me and Taylor but I am enjoying this. Since I have a little while since class starts and no one is bothering me today I think ill go to Romola's locker and try to explain myself .

~at Romola's locker~

"hey" I say to Romola as she closes her locker

" oh wow your still alive" she says sarcastically

" ok I know I was supposed to go to your house but I was grounded, I wasn't allowed to leave" I say then Romola starts to say something but I cut her off " and before you say it my phone was taken away so I couldn't text you either"

"ok fine its ok I'm not mad at you I just was worried when you didn't come" she says to me. Ha yeah I forgot she actually worried about me. She is probably the only one who worries about me or cares and I'm really glad she didn't give up on being my friend when I was pushing her away. It has been so long since I had a friend or someone to care about me I'm happy I have her.

~bell rings~

"you don't have to worry and I will see you at lunch" I say to her since we don't have lab today so I wont really sit near her.

~lunch time~

"hey nick" Romola says as she sits down at the table.

" hey "

" um are you still grounded or are you free?" Romola asks me

" I am free. Why?" I ask

" I was just wondering if you would like to come over today. My parents are going out and my sisters are too. I don't really want to stay there alone and bored" she says to me

" umm sure ill see if I can" I say. Since today is Friday Joe and Kevin usually go out and come home really early the next day so I should be able to.

" ok cool and I think it has been a month today since we became friends!" Romola says.(~writers note~: I know it doesn't seem like a month but lets just say its been a month.)

"really? A month already?" I said. Aww its kind of cute how she remembers the day we became friends.

" I know its like our friendiversary"

" friendiversary?" I say

" yeah anniversary of our friendship" she says and smiles

" well happy friendiversary" I say and with that the bells rings again

~ the end of the day nick goes home~

"I walk into the house and I see Kevin and Joe waiting there for me. I knew this nice quiet day had  
>to end sometime.<p>

" were going out tonight" says Kevin and I just nod

"your not allowed to leave well not like you would have anywhere to go" joe says as he chuckles.

" and don't take advantage of this time this house better be the same way we left it or else we will have a repeat of what happened the first day of your suspension!" Kevin said and that made the memories that I'm trying to forget come back into my head.

I just nod at everything they say and with that they leave. I go upstairs and text Romola.

(text convo)

Nick- hey

Romola- hey did you ask?

Nick- yeah I did I can come.

Romola- ok great ill see you in about an hour?

Nick- ok ill be there

( end of text convo)

~ 1 hour later~

I get to Romola's house and ill admit I felt a little weird being at her house when no one was home well I felt weird being at someone else's house period because I never do this. Romola and I just hung out in her living room.

"hey you wanna watch a movie?" she asks me

"sure which one?"

" well I don't know lets go to my room and pick one out" she says making her way upstairs. I follow behind her. Romola starts reaching for DVD's on her top shelf in her closet when I notice her bracelet fell off. I pick it up from the floor. Romola goes and sits on the bed and puts the movies on bed.

" um Romola your bracelet fell on the floor" I said handing it to her.

" oh thanks" she says and snatches it from my hand. Then as she is putting it back on I see something on her wrist.

"what is that" I ask her pointing to her wrist

" its nothing!" she says as she covers her wrist.

" Romola you could tell me, well that is if you want to. I'm here to listen if you do" I say. I don't want to pry into her personal life.

" ok just don't tell anyone. I tried really hard to forget this" she says to me and I could tell its something serious.

"what happened?" I said and I could see her getting teary eyed as she takes her bracelet off and shows me her wrist. I gently grab her wrist.

" J.W.?" I say and she kind of shivers when I said those letters. Its looks like the J.W. is engraved in her skin. I keep on brushing my fingers over the letters just to make sure I'm seeing right.

"This is the reason why I transferred. I had a boyfriend at my old school and we were together for 2 years. At first he was really sweet but after a while something came over him and he-he use to" Romola stops and she is crying by this point I feel so bad I extend my arms and I pull her close to me.

"It's ok. Please don't cry" I say to her rubbing her back.

" he use to be abusive. He would physically and verbally abuse me. I was so scared that I didn't tell anyone and I would hide all the bruises he gave me and he would always apologize and go back to his old self which made me think he really did feel bad about what he did. Then one day things got out of hand and he did something he never did before, he took out a knife and I don't exactly know what he really wanted to do but I was trying to push him away he grabbed my wrist and he engraved his initials. Jacob White". she says while I'm still holding her.

I cant believe she went through this. I mean she knows what I'm going through. We both share this horrible experience. Maybe since she went through this I-I can tell her what's happening to me. She knows how I feel maybe not exactly but she knows more than anyone else does. I feel so close to her right now. Not only was she the first person to give me a chance and care about me but she also knows how I feel. I feel like I could trust her with my secret and I don't have to have the fear of losing her, but then again maybe she wouldn't want to deal with all of that a second time. I guess ill just keep this to myself for now, no one has to know just yet.

" Romola I am so sorry you had to go through that. You didn't deserve that" I say hugging her and I start getting teary too. I mean I couldn't imagine anyone hurting her. She pulls away from me and starts wiping her eyes.

" I'm sorry ." she says getting up. I pull her back down on the bed and cup her face.

" listen you don't have to be sorry about anything. I'm glad you told me and remember nothing was your fault." I said to her. I let go of her face and just stared into her into her eyes.

(Romola's P.O.V)

" listen you don't have to be sorry about anything. I'm glad you told me and remember nothing was your fault." nick said. Wow he is amazing I'm really happy I have him. He so sweet and kind and he protects me. Every time Taylor bothers me he is always there to save me. I didn't even notice how beautiful his eyes are. He's so-so cute! Before I know it I start leaning in and he is to. We get closer and closer and…. 


	7. Chapter 7

Top of Form 1

Still Alive but I'm Barely Breathing ( A Nick Jonas Story)

Recap

(Romola's P.O.V)

" listen you don't have to be sorry about anything. I'm glad you told me and remember nothing was your fault." nick said. Wow he is amazing I'm really happy I have him. He so sweet and kind and he protects me. Every time Taylor bothers me he is always there to save me. I didn't even notice how beautiful his eyes are. He's so-so cute! Before I know it I start leaning in and he is to. We get closer and closer and….

(Nick's P.O.V)

I start leaning in too. I want to kiss her so bad! but I cant. Nothing good will come from us being more then friends. I never been this open with someone before, I mean I like it but I'm afraid at the same time to be too open. I back away from Romola trying to control this strong urge I'm feeling.

"Did you love him?" I ask trying to change the subject quickly.

"Um yes I did, I honestly did" Romola replied.

" Do you believe he loved you?"

"Well I think so, I mean everytime he would do something he would  
>always feel so bad and beg for my forgiveness but who knows that could have been an act" she replied<p>

" I don't believe it was an act" I say

"What do you mean?" she questions

"Well I mean look at you, your very pretty and nice and smart. If it wasnt for me you would probably be one of the popular girls in school. What's not to like ? He just needed help"I say to her. I cant believe I just confessed all that. Romola just sits there staring at me for a couple of seconds which is making me feel like I should'nt have said anything.

"You really think all those things? And I dont care about being popular and in fact I dont even want to. Those girls are mean and superficial. I'd rather be with you than be "popular". she said smiling at me.

"Yeah I do think all those things and thats the one thing I dont understand about you" I said

"What?" Romola asked

" Why are you the only one that can stand to be around me?" I asked her.

"Nick your not a bad person or anything, frankly I have no idea why you dont have a ton of friends. There's nothing wrong with you at all. That's the thing I dont understand about everyone else" she says back to me while staring into my eyes. Uh-Oh here comes that feeling again. The feeling of wanting to kiss her. I'd better get out of here before I do something that's going to complicate my life even more than it already is. I look at my watch and see that it's getting late.

"I should go, its getting late" I say reluctantly

"Oh ok maybe we can hang out again tomorrow?" she says

"Yeah tomorrow! Thats sounds good" I says eagerly

" Ok how about I'll call you tonight with details?" she says

"Sounds good" I say halfway out the door

"Bye Nick" she says. Then I feel her arms around my neck as I wrap my arms around her waist, she then gives me a kick peck on my cheek. After that I could feel myself blushing as I leave her doorstep.

(Romola's P.O.V)

Wow Nick and I really connected tonight! I think I'm falling for him. I mean when we almost kissed ...almost. Man I really wanted to kiss him but he seemed like he kinda didnt want to. Maybe he just thinks of me as a friend? Either way I knew before he left I had to kiss him somehow even if it was only on the cheek. Nick is so sweet and he thinks I'm pretty and smart! I couldnt believe he thought all that about me. I really am starting to like him, I hope he is feeling the same things I'm feeling. Well I'll find out soon because tomorrow if he can come over again no one is going to be home so maybe if tomorrow goes like today did we will kiss.

(Nick's P.O.V)

I just got back from Romola's house. Thankfully no one is home yet so I can slip silently into my room without being bothered tonight. Hopefully Joe and Kevin go out again so I can go over to Romola's house. I love not having to be home alone while they go out all night and drink then the whole night I'm thinking about what there going to do to me the next day. well It's 10:00 not that late but I'm getting tired. I think I'll go to sleep until Romola calls me with tomorrows plans.

(12am)

I am awoken by a loud door slam which causes me to jump. I can hear kevin from downstairs talking to Joe very loudly or should I say singing like idiots.

"It's a quarter after one, I'm a little drunk and I neeeddd you noowww" Kevin and Joe both sing and I can tell they are drunk but I cant help but laugh at their stupidity.

"Dudee, man ,Buddy umm K-Kevviinn I just um just wanted to say that I -I nnneeedd yoouu nnoow I dont know where I am." Joe slurs

"Its okkay bro bro I'm righht here standing to your sidee" Kevin manages to say while laughing

"WTF? Are these?" Joe says while pointing to the stairs

"No no those are good their on our side. They make...uh help us to move to the topp parrt of ...tthe houssse." Kevin says

" I dont trust em!" Joe said

"Heeyy Jooe? Wheres our-our little Nickkyy poo" Kevin slurs.

"I dont knnow Keevin lets go and try to um try to haha find hiim" Joe manages to say. Crap! I thought I was safe tonight. I get back into bed and try to pretend im sleeping but as I cover myself I see Romola's bracelet on the floor. How did it get here? Damn I never gave it back to her after I picked it up from her room. Right as I go on the floor to pick it up Kevin and Joe burst through the door.

"WHY ARENT YOU IN BED!" Kevin screams

"OOO what is this you have here" Joe says and he grabs it out of my hand.

"You going to answer me ?" Kevin yells again

"I woke up when I heard the door" I say quietly

"Who's is this?" Joe says while holding the bracelet

"Umm I found it" I say thinking quick on my feet.

"He's lying!" Joe yells

"No I'm not!" I yell back. wrong choice should not have yelled

"Thats it your dead!" Kevin says while he grabs me by my shirt

"Wait! " Joe calls out

"What?" Kevin says

"There's a name on the bracelet" Joe says while examining the bracelet.

"R-o-mola? Who the F**k is Romola?" Kevin yells. Holy crap they can NOT find out who she is! What if they find her and hurt her? I cant let that happen

"I know you dont have a girlfriend. Who would want you, your damaged!You really think a girl would want someone who is an outcast ? Someone who is bruised and has scars? If any girl would be interested in you its probably because she thinks of you as a charity case, couldnt blame her though since that is what you are" Joe says. This is one of the rare times that Joe doesnt curse at me but this hurt me more than any name he could call me. He was right I am damaged. What girl would want to have to deal with that. I'm just a walking charity case, but Romola doesnt think this way she doesnt see me like that. She has scars too she knows how it feels to be hurt by someone thats is supposed to only give you love. She is the only one who understands.

"Well if he isnt going to answer I guess well just have to have some fun with him" Joe says while smirking. Kevin grabs my shirt and take me into his room with Joe following right behind us. I get thrown onto the bed , Joe gets ontop of me and starts punching me in my stomach and arms. While I'm getting the crap beaten out of me I see Kevin fumbiling in his draw to find something. Once Joe stops punching me I can see clearly what Kevin has in his hand and its a ...a knife? Is he really going to use a knife? Am I going to die tonight? Kevin starts walking towards me with the knife and Joe is still holding me down. all I could do was lay there and wimper.

"So Joe what should we do ? " Kevin asks Joe

"Well Kevin maybe we should slice his throat?" Joe says while laughing

"Ouick and easy? Sounds good but maybe we should do something thats going to take more time" Kevin says , staring at me with devilish eyes.

"haha look how scared he is Kevin! Your such a F**ken p**sy" Joe taunts me

"Haha looks like we need to toughen him up" Kevin says as I feel the cold blade run across my throat. This is what I have always wanted. I have always said I wanted to die because it was my way out but now something was different. I dont want to die ...

Kevin quickly pulls the knife away as Joe gives me one more punch in my stomach then throws me into the hallway. I crawl to the bathroom because that last punch was the worst one and I started coughing up some blood. After I clean myself up a little I decide I cannot stay in this house anymore. Kevin almost used a knife on me! Maybe next time he'll really use it and I can not take that chance.


End file.
